


What's Important

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: Wincest Writing Challenge [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Does Some Soul-Searching, M/M, Medical Weirdness, Old Wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 21:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12872937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: Sam's dying.  Again.  Dean's gonna have to do something drastic.  Again.  Jody gives him a kick in the pants for where to start.





	What's Important

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Wincest Writing Challenge Round Tarot  
> Prompt: Death
> 
> Wikipedia's explanation of the symbolism of Death: "This card simply signifies, in any subject you're inquiring about, "giving up all that is superficial and concentrating on what is basic, fundamental and truly important" in the specific matter you're asking about."  
> Other meanings I've seen: endings/new beginnings, transitions, changes, transformations.  
> That's what I had in mind writing this.

Dean was torn between screaming, crying, and finding something to hit. Sam was dying. Again. This time, Castiel said he couldn’t find a reason why Sam wouldn’t wake up. “I’m sorry, Dean, but I cannot find anything wrong with him that I haven’t fixed. The head wound is gone, the blood loss he’s working on, I’ve even healed the bruises and minor scrapes. Physically, he is in perfect health.”

“Except for the part where he won’t wake up.”

“Yes. Except for that.” Castiel touched Sam’s forehead with two fingers. “I can’t do anything more, Dean. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” Dean pulled a chair up beside Sam’s bed. “I got this. Don’t you have work to do?” Castiel left without another word, leaving Dean to stare at his silent brother.

“All right, Sammy. You’re dying. Again. Not gonna shove another angel in you, but c’mon, man. You gotta fight. You can’t leave me alone out here again. Don’t make me do something stupid and world-breaking.”

Sam didn’t answer. He didn’t even twitch.

“Look. I know you hated that I let Gadreel in. Still don’t understand why you had such a problem with it, but you did, and that’s the big thing here. Wake up, Sam. You gotta wake up.” Sam didn’t. “I don’t… Sam. I can’t live with you dead. You know that. Death knows that. The reapers all know that. Billie knows that. So look. Just do the world a favor and get your ass out of bed.”

Once again, Sam just laid there. Dean got up and left. He needed some air.

 

He came back a few hours later. “All right. I know you’re not dead yet, so just… listen. Okay? I don’t even know if you can hear me. I don’t know where you are. Cas swears you’re in there, that you’re not dead, so here we are.”

“I just talked to Jody. She’s worried about you, man, but she had some good points to make. I’ve been through a lot of crap, and I’m doing the best I can to do my job and look after you, but I haven’t been doing it right. I’m Dad all over again, forgetting that you’re not an extension of me and sometimes you and I just aren’t gonna agree.”

“I was right about Ruby, and the demon blood, but how I treated you over it wasn’t. Yes, I was messed up from Hell, and you shoulda known better than to trust a demon, but she was good. She saved you, and because of that, you’d never question what she was askin’ you to do. I never did handle your powers well, but I trusted you before all the Hell crap, and you were saving people. Ruby used that to manipulate you, to push you along the path. I shoulda been helping you see that sometimes the ends don’t justify the means, not pushing you away because you were using those means.

“I helped start the Apocalypse, and put me in that church with the power to do it, I’d’ve ganked Lilith too. You were acting on the information you had, which wasn’t right, but you had no way to know different. I made you a promise to start being a better brother, let you grow up. I lived up to that once, let you jump into the Cage, but ever since, I’ve been treating you like that snot-nosed kid that you hadn’t been for a long time.”

“You probably know this on some level, but when you were in there, I didn’t last a month before I broke my promise not to try to get you out. If I’d known Cas already had… but I didn’t. I did find a way to get you back your soul, and I won’t apologize for that. Even if I did have to kill the Soulless You to get the real you back, I don’t care. Real You’s a thousand times better. Did the best I knew how to do with your wall and your memories once Cas broke it, but it wasn’t good enough. I’m sorry.

“Benny and Amelia. That was a bad time for us. But you know, I never once stopped to wonder what it was like for you, here. How were you supposed to know I was in Purgatory? I knew Cas was in Purgatory, but I didn’t even try to look for him, how can I be mad at you for not looking for me when you didn’t even know I was there? And it wasn’t just me you lost. It was Cas. It was Meg. It was Kevin. Bobby. Even the Impala was gone, although that one, you could fix. I wish you’d given Benny a chance, but I didn’t exactly give you a reason to, did I? Shoulda told you about him.”

“Haven’t exactly lived up to my promise in the church, have I? Nothing past or present I’d put in front of you… and then, I trusted a demon. I used bad means to a good end, and I thought it was justified because it’s what I had to do. Of all the things Jody said, this is the one that set me back on my heels the worst. You trusted Ruby, Cas and I trusted Crowley. You were doing what you thought you had to do to stop Lilith and save the world. Cas was doing what he thought he had to do to stop Raphael and save the world. I was doing what I thought I had to do to stop Abbadon and save the world. You set Lucifer free, Cas set the Leviathans free, I set Amara free. Time for me to get off my high horse and admit that mistakes can be made with the best of intentions and that it matters why.”

“Dad did what he thought he had to do, what he thought was best for us, and he was wrong. We forgive him because we loved him and we know that he was messed up from losing Mom, but that doesn’t make it right. I’ve been doing what I thought was best for you, and I hope you’ll forgive me because you know I love you and I’ve been messed up from all the crap I’ve been through, but that doesn’t make me right either.”

“So guess that’s where we are. I’ve made and broken promises, but I’m gonna try. It’s supposed to be you and me against the world, and I’ve been blaming you for it not being like that, for it being you and me against each other entirely too often. I’ve been wrong. It’s me, too, just as much. I need to let you grow up. I need to make sure that I’m not putting anything, past or present, ahead of you, and that includes me. I need you to come back to me.”

Dean wiped away the tears and got in the bed beside Sam. “I miss you, Sam. Hope you’ll give me a chance to do things right this time.”

 

At some point, Dean must have fallen asleep, because he woke up with a Samtopus wrapped around him. “Hey. Good morning.”

“Sammy?”

“Yeah. Dunno whether you meant this, too, when you said you missed me, but it kinda sounded like it.”

“What?”

“Last night, when you were talking to me. You asked me to listen, so I listened. I’ll give you a chance to do things right.”

Dean wrapped Sam up. “All this time, all the crap I’ve put you through, you still even want me this way?”

“Yeah. You’re surprised? Guess I should expect that, you’ve always been surprised I want you. When I was in high school, when I got back out on the road, when I got you back from Hell…”

“Surprised, yes, but not gonna question this. I’m not even gonna try to argue, just be grateful you’re such a forgiving person.”


End file.
